10 Things Everyone Should Know About Babies

Ignorance about babies is undermining society.

Have you noticed all the stressed babies? Maybe one in 30 I see has glowing eyes, a sign of thriving. What's up? Perhaps ignorance about babies and their needs. Here are 10 things to know.

1. Babies are social mammals with social mammalian needs. Social mammals emerged more than 30 million years ago with intensive parenting (the developmental nest or niche). This is one of the many (extra-genetic) things that evolved other than genes. This developmental nest is required for an individual to develop properly. Intensive parenting practices include years of breastfeeding to develop brain and body systems, nearly constant touch and physical presence of caregivers, responsiveness to needs without distress, free play with multi-aged playmates, and soothing perinatal experiences. Each of these has significant effects on physical health.

2. Human babies are born "half-baked" and require an external womb. Humans are born way early compared to other animals: 9 months early in terms of mobility and 18 months early in terms of bone development and foraging capacities. Full-term babies have 25% of adult brain volume and most of it grows in the first 5 years. Thus, the human nest for its young evolved to be even more intense than for other social mammals because of the underdeveloped newborn, lasting for 3-5 years. Humans also added to the list of expected care a village of positive social support for both mother and baby. Actually, human brain development lasts into the third decade of life, suggesting that social support and mentoring continue at least that long.

3. If adults mess up on the post-birth “baking,” longterm problems can result. Each of the caregiving practices mentioned above has longterm effects on the physical health but also social health of the individual. For example, distressing babies regularly or intensively (by not giving them what they need) undermines self-regulatory systems. This is common knowledge in other cultures and was so in our past. In Spanish, there is a term used for adolescents and adults who misbehave: malcriado (misraised).

4. Babies thrive on affectionate love. When babies receive food and diaper changes and little else, they die. If they receive partial attention and stay alive, it is still not enough—they won’t reach their full potential. Urie Bronfenbrenner, who emphasized the multiple systems of support that foster optimal development, said that babies do best when at least one person is crazy about them. Others have noted that children grow best with three affectionate, consistent caregivers. In fact, babies expect more than mom and dad for loving care. Babies are ready for a community of close, responsive caregivers that includes mother nearby.

5. Babies’ right hemisphere of the brain is developing rapidly in the first three years. The right hemisphere develops in response to face-to-face social experience, with extended shared eye gaze. The right hemisphere governs self-regulatory systems. If babies are placed in front of screens, ignored or isolated, they are missing critical experiences.

6. Babies expect to play and move. Babies expect to be “in arms” or on the body of the caregiver most of the time. Skin-to-skin contact is a calming influence. After learning this one of my students when at a family gathering took a crying baby and held it to his neck, which calmed it down. Babies expect companionship not isolation or intrusion. They expect to be in the middle of community social life. They are ready to play from birth. Play is a primary method for learning self-control and social skills. Companionship care—friendship, mutual responsiveness and playfulness—builds social and practical intelligence. Babies and caregivers share intersubjective states, building the child’s capacities for the interpersonal “dances” that fill social life.

7. Babies have built-in warning systems. If they are not getting what they need, babies let you know. It is best, as most cultures have long known, to respond to a baby’s grimace or gesture and not to wait till crying occurs. Young babies have difficulty stopping crying once it starts. The best advice for baby care is to sensitively follow the baby, not the experts.

8. Babies lock their experiences into procedural memory vaults that will be inaccessible but apparent in later behavior and attitudes. Babies can be traumatized from neglecting the list of needs above. They won’t forget. It will undermine their trust of others, their health and social wellbeing, and lead to self-centered morality which can do much destruction to the world.

9. Culture does not erase the evolved needs babies have. Babies cannot retract their mammalian needs. Yet, some adult cultures advocate violating baby needs as if they do not matter and despite the protests of the baby. Everyday violations include baby isolation like sleeping alone, “crying it out” sleep training, infant formula, or baby videos and flashcards.* When violations occur regularly, at critical time periods or are intense, they undermine optimal development. These violations are encoded in the baby’s body as the optimal development of systems is undermined (e.g., immunity, neurotransmitters, endocrine systems like oxytocin). Surprisingly, some developmental psychologists think it fine to violate these needs** in order for the child to fit into their culture.

The rationalization of “culture over biology” reflects a lack of understandingnot only of human nature but of optimal development. This has occurred in laboratories with other animals whose natures were misunderstood. For example, Harry Harlow, known for his experiments with monkeys and “mother love,” at first did not realize he was raising abnormal monkeys when he isolated them in cages. Similarly, at least one of the aggressive rat strains used in lab studies today were first created when scientists isolated offspring after birth, again not realizing the abnormality of isolation. Note how the cultural assumptions of the scientists created the abnormal animals. So it matters what cultural assumptions you have.

The culture-over-biology view may be doing the same thing with human beings. By not understanding babies and their needs, we are creating species-atypical human beings. We can only know this to be the case in light of knowledge about human beings who develop under evolved conditions, with the evolved developmental nest: typically, small-band hunter-gatherers. They are much wiser, perceptive and virtuous than we humans in the USA today.

Thus the final point:

10. Experiences that consistently violate evolution undermine human nature. When species-atypical childrearing occurs, we end up with people whose health and sociality are compromised (which we can see all over the USA today with epidemics of depression, anxiety, high suicide and drug use rates***). Such mis-raised creatures might do all right on achievement tests or IQ measures but they may also be dangerous reptiles whose world revolves around themselves. A lot of smart reptiles (“snakes in suits”) on Wall Street and elsewhere have been running the country into the ground.

What to do?

(1) Inform others about the needs of babies.

(2) Be aware of the needs of babies around you and interact sensitively with the babies you encounter.

(3) Support parents to be sensitive to the needs of their babies. This will also require many more institutional and social supports for families with children, including extensive parental leave which other developed nations provide.

(4) Read books that convey the evolved principles of caregiving, like the following:

The Science of Parenting

Attached at the Heart

The Attachment Parenting Book

The Other Baby Book

Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids

The Science of Mother-Baby Sleep

* Note that sometimes violations (e.g., formula, isolation) are required under emergency conditions that are matters of life and death.

**Of course they don’t think it’s a violation because they don’t take the set of mammalian needs seriously.

*** In the USA, everyone under 50 has numerous health disadvantages compared to citizens in 16 other developed nations (National Research Council, 2013).

References

Babiak, P. & Hare, R.D. (2006). Snakes in Suits, When Psychopaths Go To Work. New York, NY: Harper Collins.

Blum, D. (2002). Love at Goon Park: Harry Harlow and the Science of Affection. New York, NY: Perseus Publishing.

Bronfenbrenner, U. (1979). The ecology of human development. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.

Chiron, J.I., Nabbout, R., Lounes, R., Syrota, A., & Dulac, O. (1997). The right brain hemisphere is dominant in human infants. Brain, 120, 1057-1065.

Fry, D. P. (2006). The human potential for peace: An anthropological challenge to assumptions about war and violence. New York: Oxford University Press.

Fry, D. (Ed.) (2013). War, peace and human nature. New York, NY: Oxford University Press.

Hrdy, S. (2009). Mothers and others: The evolutionary origins of mutual understanding. Cambridge, MA: Belknap Press.

Ingold, T. (1999). On the social relations of the hunter-gatherer band. In R. B. Lee & R. Daly (Eds.), The Cambridge encyclopedia of hunters and gatherers (pp. 399–410). New York: Cambridge University Press.

Konner, M. (2010). The evolution of childhood. Cambridge, MA: Belknap Press.

Liedloff, J. (1977). The Continuum concept. Cambridge, MA: Perseus Books.

Montagu, A. (1986). Touching: The human significance of the skin. New York: Harper & Row.

Narvaez, D. (2013). Development and socialization within an evolutionary context: Growing Up to Become "A good and useful human being." In D. Fry (Ed.), War, Peace and Human Nature: The convergence of Evolutionary and Cultural Views (pp. 341-358). New York: Oxford University Press.

Narvaez, D. (forthcoming). Neurobiology and the Development of Human Morality: Evolution, Culture and Wisdom. New York, NY: W.W. Norton.

Narvaez, D., & Gleason, T. (2013). Developmental optimization. In D. Narvaez, J., Panksepp, A. Schore, & T. Gleason (Eds.), Evolution, Early Experience and Human Development: From Research to Practice and Policy (pp. 307-325). New York: Oxford University Press.

Narvaez, D., Panksepp, J., Schore, A., & Gleason, T. (Eds.) (2013).Evolution, Early Experience and Human Development: From Research to Practice and Policy. New York: Oxford University Press.

Narvaez, D., Valentino, K., Fuentes, A., McKenna, J., & Gray, P. (2014).Ancestral Landscapes in Human Evolution: Culture, Childrearing and Social Wellbeing. New York: Oxford University Press.

National Research Council. (2013). U.S. Health in International Perspective: Shorter Lives, Poorer Health. Washington, DC: The National Academies Press.

Schore, A. (1994). Affect regulation. Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum.

Schore, A.N. (2002). Dysregulation of the right brain: a fundamental mechanism of traumatic attachment and the psychopathogenesis of posttraumatic stress disorder. Australian & New Zealand Journal ofPsychiatry, 36, 9-30.

Schore, A.N. (2003). Affect dysregulation & disorders of the self. 1st ed. New York: W.W. Norton.

Schore, A.N. (2005). Attachment, affect regulation, and the developing right brain: Linking developmental neuroscience to pediatrics. Pediatrics In Review, 26, 204-211.

Spitz, R.A. (1945). Hospitalism; an inquiry into the genesis of psychiatric conditions in early childhood. Psychoanalytic Study of the Child. 1, 53-74.

Tomkins, S. (1965). Affect and the psychology of knowledge. In S.S. Tomkins & C.E. Izard (Eds.), Affect, cognition, and personality. New York: Springer.

Trevarthen, C. (2005). Stepping away from the mirror: Pride and shame in adventures of companionship”—Reflections on the nature and emotional needs of infant intersubjectivity. In C.S. Carter, L. Ahnert, K.E. Grossmann, S.B., Hrdy, M.E. Lamb, S.W. Porges, & N. Sachser (Eds.), Attachment and bonding: A new synthesis (pp. 55-84). Cambridge, MA: MIT Press.

Trevarthen, C. (2006). First things first: infants make good use of the sympathetic rhythm of imitation, without reason or language. Journal of Child Psychotherapy 31(1), 91-113.

Trevarthen, C., & Aitken, (2001). Infant intersubjectivity: Research, theory, and clinical applications; Annual Research Review. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry, 42, 3-48.

Trevathan, W.R. (2011). Human birth: An evolutionary perspective, 2nd ed..New York: Aldine de Gruyter.

If you'd like to learn more you can find this article here.

First 6 Weeks After Baby

Today is 6 weeks since the birth of my second child! It has inspired me to sum a few things. Once you have give birth you're filled with excitement. After about 40 weeks of waiting (which felt like it was never going to end) you get to hold this wonderful little miracle in your arms and imagine that picture perfect image in your head of you and your partner smiling down at baby in awe. Well, after a few hours the real "fun" begins.

Breastfeeding

Once you have baby you get to start the loving journey of breastfeeding. You look down if you're a first time mom and panic a little bit sometimes. What do I do, do I just put my boob in his/her mouth? Is she/he breathing?! Am I doing it right?! With the help of a good (I don't mean OK, I mean damn good!) lactation consultant, you can have all your questions answered. Just ask the hospital or birthing center to have them pop by your room ASAP to ease your worries. They can show you how to get baby to properly latch on, show you a few positions that will work for you (C section moms can try football clutch to avoid pressure on their incision), and they can show you how to hand express some colostrum. They can also bring you a breastpump if you need and show you how to use it as well. Getting into a good routine is very important. 

The first few weeks really are the hardest and as long as you stay calm, try to drink a lot of water (like 8 ounces before every feeding), and get as much rest as you can, then you CAN be successful at it. Once you get baby latching on well you may notice after a few weeks (maybe even up to the first month) that your nipples are toughening up. The first days you may experience cracked, sore, even bleeding nipples. Don't be discouraged! Breastfeeding should not feel painful while the baby is nursing, if it does then simply remove baby by sliding your pinky into the corner of their mouth and breaking the suction. Then readjust and get baby back on. Sometimes it takes a few (or several tries) to get the baby to latch on and stay on. You can start feeling nervous like you're not doing it right or worried. Just take a deep breath and relax. This happens to all mothers. Your new baby is learning to eat for the first time just as you are learning to breastfeed for the first time. Neither one of you are pros at it, even if it's your second or third child! Until your nipples "toughen up" you will notice that anything touching them can HURT! Getting out of the shower and using a towel, OW! Even the shower pressure can hurt! Breast pads rubbing inside your nursing bra, OW! Wearing a bra in general... OUCH! It's going to pass. It may last a few weeks but WILL go away! I also recommend using Bamboobies washable nursing pads. The disposables can lead to thrush which is like a yeast infection in your baby's mouth and on your boob! EXTREMELY PAINFUL and requires medical attention and antibiotics. Remember to change nursing or breast pads often to avoid thrush and no one wants to walk around with wet boobies all day.

For more on breastfeeding please see my other post "Breastfeeding 101" on my blog.

Baby Formula

Some mothers choose not to breastfeed or think that they can't. If they don't want to be pressured into it that's fine. Just make sure you let the doctors, nurses, and your spouse know what your feeding plans are for the baby and that you want to stick to it! When baby is born, usually a feeding is offered at about 15 mL to see how much the baby will take. Usually a routine is established by spacing out babies feeding every 2-3 hours the first few days. If baby's been sleeping for 3 hours and you don't want to wake them up to feed ask your partner to do the next feeding so that you can rest. Nurses in the hospital will give you a chart to monitor how many wet/poopy diapers baby is making and to track the times of the feeding with the amount given. Your baby's doctor will help you to determine how much formula to give at each feeding and how often. You DO NOT want to give baby too much formula. Eating to the point where they are turning their heads away, spitting up, or falling asleep is NOT a good thing. Each time they eat until the point in which they are full, they are expanding their tiny little stomaches beyond what it can hold. Another sign that baby is full is taking too long to finish a bottle. Many parents think I poured X amount into the bottle and baby needs to drink the whole thing. This is NOT correct. Baby may not be fully hungry or it may just be too much at that time. Let the baby drink until you notice the suckling slow down drastically. If baby begins to give long sighs between swallows, that may be another sign that they are finished with that feeding. Just because you pour 2 oz DOES NOT mean baby will drink it all and that is perfect OK! Also, if baby doesn't finish all the milk in the bottle, DO NOT save it. You must pour it out and give a fresh bottle at each feeding.

Sleep when baby sleeps

We've all heard that. As I first (and second time) mother I kind of shrug it off... A LOT! Then I regret it later. When baby is sleeping my first thoughts are "Now I can shower, let's wash baby clothes/bedding/blankets/everything that's pooped or spit on, or let me just cook and eat something "real quick." Pretty much every time I go to do these things I feel like kicking myself shortly afterwards. The main reason is that after having a baby YOU NEED REST! It's no joke, you are tired, a little slower than usual, and sometimes really sore! Your body as just gone through something that is has never experienced before (unless you have more than one child) and needs time to recover.

Especially mothers who have had C sections. Over doing it, ANYTHING really can cause you to pop your stitches and that can be VERY dangerous. If you have had a C section you can't drive, lift anything besides your baby (which even I could barely do), or vacuum. Yes, vacuum random I know but the movement really works your midsection and can cause some serious damage. Try to have your spouse take off the first two weeks after baby or have another family member assist you during that time. Every time you finish a feeding just try to sleep a little. Don't worry about the dishes, what's for dinner, the laundry, or how untidy the house is. You just had a baby and it's perfectly FINE! No one makes rude comments to a new mother about maintaining the home within the first few months even. If someone does... simply tell them that you're too focused on what's important (bonding with your baby) to care about such a simple task that isn't harming anyone. If they are uncomfortable, they can leave.

Visiting the new baby

"She had the baby?!?! I've got to go visit." Most non-parent girlfriends have this thought. Parents know that the new mom needs some time and it can wait a couple weeks or months. Especially this day in age. We have social media and they can see the baby through photos or video chat! I know I didn't want anyone breathing all over my precious little baby who was barely able to keep it's eyes open. If you do want friends and family to come visit, simply ask for them to bring a dish for dinner or pick up something for you and the spouse to eat. MOST people do this already but for those who haven't thought of it, it's not rude. I would pretty much DEMAND it. "Oh you'd like to come see the baby? Sure but bring a pizza (or KFC or something quick and easy! maybe even cookies since you know you won't be baking anytime soon)." Most friends do ask do you need anything? If you do, don't be afraid to say it! For a new mom you can forget to pick up all sorts of things. If you're friend/sister/mother wants to pick up some baby bottle nipples for pads for you don't be afraid to tell her you need them! If you are a little weird about asking just say "Would you mind picking me up XYZ and I promise you first picks when the newborn portraits come in!"

When you do have guests visiting you and your new little family, don't be offended if they start doing any of the following: cooking, cleaning, vacuuming, sweeping, mopping, laundry (yes even your undies!), or dusting. They KNOW you don't have the time or energy for this and would do it if you could. Most moms just come and over and do it for you because they know that you would do the same, and will when they have their next child! Make sure to thank them endlessly and let them know that their help was greatly appreciated. Also, as a little side note: when you are healed... a great thank you is giving them freshly baked goods, a gift card to their favorite store or restaurant, or having them over for dinner.

Bleeding

Once you have the baby from that moment for the next [up to] 6 weeks, you have lochia. lochia is the vaginal discharge after giving birth (puerperium) containing blood, mucus, and uterian tissue. Lochia discharge typically continues for 4 to 6 weeks after childbirth. It is sterile for the first 2–3 days, but not so by the third or fourth day, as the uterus begins to be colonized by vaginal commensals such as non-hemolyticstreptococci and E. coli.

It progresses through three stages:

1. Lochia rubra (or cruenta) is the first discharge, red in color because of the large amount of blood it contains. It typically lasts no longer than 3 to 5 days after birth.
2. Lochia serosa is the term for lochia that has thinned and turned brownish or pink in color. It contains serous exudate, erythrocytes, leukocytes, and cervical mucus. This stage continues until around the tenth day after delivery. Lochia serosa which persists to some weeks after birth can indicate late postpartum hemorrhaging, and should be reported to a physician.
3. Lochia alba (or purulenta) is the name for lochia once it has turned whitish or yellowish-white. It typically lasts from the second through the third to sixth weeks after delivery. It contains fewer red blood cells and is mainly made up of leukocytes, epithelial cells, cholesterol, fat, and mucus. Continuation beyond a few weeks can indicate a genital lesion, which should be reported to a physician.

Now during this time it is recommended that you only used heavy flow pads. Well, I recommend ONLY using overnights with wings the entire time! Better safe than sorry. If you bleed too much it will go through all your clothing and no one wants that embarrassment. Also, some women bleed for less than 4 weeks and others all the way until their postpartum check up. Either way make sure you only use pads and NEVER tampons during this time. Once your periods resume (which is you are breastfeeding they may not return until you stop) then you may use tampons again. Doctors will also tell you to make sure to NOT have sex until at least 6 weeks after birth. You can get pregnant even if breastfeeding and once you attend your 6 week check up you can discuss birth control or planning your next child.

So you made it through the first 6 weeks after having your beautiful new baby. Now what?

Once you get the all clear from your 6 week check up, you can resume all normal activities. You can start exercising, resume all household chores, have sex, and if needed go back to work. I personally believe in spending that first year home with baby (or at least 6 months) but that's because I live in Canada and we have a year of maternity leave and our husbands get paternity leave as well (paid of course). Now you know some of the things to expect during the first six weeks after having a baby.

After birth must haves for the "4th Trimester"

My top 10 must haves after the birth a new baby

Let's face it, it's unavoidable. You come home from the hospital with your beautiful and perfect baby, but you think "Oh man, I wish I had a ..." Well that's where this list comes in. Once you give birth you are going into a new unknown, what some moms refer to as "the fourth trimester." Being prepared can take away a little of that stress.

With my first child, the day after we came home I realized there were somethings I needed (LIKE A PUMP!). I had bought a few of them ahead of time, or received them as shower gifts. If you are pregnant, here’s what worked for us… if you aren’t, just skip everything but #1… because everyone can benefit from easy access tank tops. 

1.Target’s Nursing Tanks- Every new mom needs comfort! I have about 6-8 of these in different colors and live in them. You've got to love a shirt that can let the girls hang free! And Target carries the cheapest around in an array of different colors. Now you can whip them out whenever the mood strikes you… or your baby. Husband's get a kick out them too.

2. Target's Nursing Bras- Again just like their tanks... AMAZING! I recommend the 2 pack of sleeping nursing bras and their wirefree bras. They have a lot of different styles. I have noticed that they are some of the most comfortable bras around! I prefer them over my Motherhood Maternity bras. Just try to stay away from any underwire, you'll already feel like your girls are going to pop. Why bother risking it with underwire poking you (J/K, not really).

3. Bamboobies Washable Nursing Pads- Really, why buy disposables? I used many boxes of disposables with my first child. They fill up with milk, smell, and leak! It's pretty gross. These babies never smell, are leak proof, and come in regular or overnight (great for newborn nursing). I'd recommend the 12 multicolor pack and the 8 overnights. The regular style are shaped like hearts and come in pink, nude, and black; while the overnights are blue circles. You can wear them upsidedown, or upright, whatever works for you. They are made from bamboo. I can say as a bigger chested momma, upsidedown works better if I'm going to skip a feeding. Anyway, these are my NUMBER ONE must have! I recommend them to all my fellow mommas and have never heard a bad thing about them. Sidenote- I wash mine every 3-4 days.

4. StayFree Ultra-thin Overnight Pads with Wings- One word... Lochia. Yup, eww. If you haven't heard that term well let me inform you. After you give birth you bleed, A LOT! It can last for up to 6 weeks. You've got to be prepared since you can not use tampons after having a baby. Kind of makes you feel like an awkward preteen again. You have 2 options to go down your legs or down into some highly absorbant, ultra thin, extra long pad. I chose the later and since I was still ‘adjusting’ to non-pregnancy for weeks and weeks after I delivered, these prevented me from a highly embarrassing situation. Plus the thin profile allowed me to walk without looking like I had a watermelon between my thighs. I vote that hospitals should use these for their post-delivery leakage needs… they are a heck of a lot better than those throw pillows they hand out.

5. Playtex Personal Cleasning Cloths- As mentioned above, it gets pretty messy. These cloths are like little miracles, especially for a new mom who's needed an episiotomy. Helps you stay clean and fresh with a cool fresh wipe. These are a must for me during periods as well since sometimes toilet paper doesn't leave you feeling clean every time. These sure do though.

6. Lansinoh THERA°PEARL® 3-in-1 Breast Therapy- Oh my, this is just wonderful! Once your milk comes in, you can get sore. By sore I mean, you feel like your girls are rock hard and even a soft touch can have you crying in pain. These make for GREAT relief. You can warm them up in the microwave, place them on the side you are going to start a feeding on, and watch the letdown begin! The warming gel beads help your milk start flowing like no tomorrow. After you are ready to switch side you can reheat for 15 seconds or use on the other side. When the feeding is finished, the cold option is heaven! Helps with soreness and makes this momma happy. I love to use the covers around my PUMP when I'm pumping. I wrap a warm one around and it really helps with the letdown for pumping.

7. Medela Tender Care Lanolin- Those first few weeks or months can really take some getting used to for a first time breastfeeding momma. It is tough, especially on the girls. You get tugged on, pinched, improper latch, and sore/cracked nipples. It can be very painful, I didn't even want the bath towel to touch me, I was like "they can air dry!" This little bottle of cream works wonders. You just apply it after each feeding and tuck the girls back into your awesome Target bras with a Bamboobie on each side ;)

8. Playtex Embrace Double Electric Breastpump- I love this pump so much I still have it from my now 4 year old. Our playtex ventaire wide mouth bottles and nurser bottles screw right onto it. I like using it without liners and pumping straight into bags or bottles. You can double pump, do one side, or feed baby and pump the other side at the same time. Comes with a car charger and really cute bag that doesn't scream "Milking Machine" at all. 

9. The Boppy Pillow- I could live without this. From day one in the hospital, within an hour of being born I was already feeding both my kids on their boppy. Makes a great little napping perch for baby after they fall asleep and you tuck the girls away. When they are older you can use it to prop them up, or for tummy time. They come with a cover or two. I personally have 3 covers since you never know when it will be covered in milk you shot across the room or spit up.

10. Thirsties Cloth Diapers- There are different types but regardless of which you choose, I recommend the one size style. You get snaps that let you make the bigger or smaller depending on baby's size. They come in covers, pocket diapers, all-in-ones (AIOs), and fitted diapers. You can get Aplix (Velcro) or Snaps to close them on the top. We love this brand of cloth diapers and think every mom should try one. Mostly we use the duo wrap covers with prefolds, or the AIOs.